Before diving into effective strategies to combat gaslighting in the workplace, it’s crucial to understand what gaslighting entails. Understanding the dynamics of gaslighting is essential for identifying and addressing it effectively in professional settings.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where someone tries to make another person doubt their own thoughts, feelings, or reality. It can happen in different relationships, including at work. The term comes from a play and movie called “Gaslight,” where a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she’s going insane.
What is Gaslighting at Work?
Gaslighting at work is when a colleague, supervisor, or boss tries to make you doubt yourself, your abilities, or your perception of events. It can happen in various ways, such as denying something that happened, making you feel like you’re overreacting when they belittle you, or twisting facts to make you question your memory or judgment.
Example of Gaslighting at Work
Imagine you present an idea during a meeting, and a coworker responds by saying, “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Are you sure you understood the project correctly?” Later, when you try to discuss it, they insist they never said that and make you feel like you’re making a big deal out of nothing. This is an example of gaslighting at work. It can happen quite frequently amongst coworkers who are competing with each other.
What Do You Say to a Gaslighter at Work?
When facing gaslighting at work, it’s essential to respond calmly and assertively. Being emotionally intelligent can help you communicate more effectively. Here are some phrases you can use to address a gaslighter:
- “I understand your perspective, but I’m confident in my memory/recollection of the events.”
- “Let’s stick to the facts. This is what happened, as I remember it.”
- “I value open communication, but I won’t tolerate attempts to undermine my confidence.”
- “It seems like there’s a misunderstanding. Can we review the details together?”
- “I won’t engage in conversations that make me doubt myself or my abilities.”
How Do You Shut Someone Down Who is Gaslighting You?
Dealing with gaslighting requires setting boundaries and standing up for yourself. Here are some strategies to shut down someone who is gaslighting you at work:
- Trust Your Instincts: If something feels off, trust your gut instincts. Don’t dismiss your feelings just because someone else is trying to convince you otherwise.
- Document Everything: Keep records of conversations, emails, and interactions where gaslighting occurs. Having evidence can help you stay grounded in reality and refute false claims.
- Seek Support: Talk to a trusted colleague, friend, or supervisor about what’s happening. They can offer perspective and support you in addressing the situation.
- Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate to the gaslighter that you won’t tolerate manipulative behavior. Assert your boundaries firmly but professionally.
- Stay Calm and Confident: Respond to gaslighting attempts calmly and confidently. Avoid cursing in the workplace or getting emotional and defensive, as this can give the gaslighter more power.
- Consider Confrontation: Depending on the severity of the gaslighting, you may need to confront the person directly. Use “I” statements to express how their behavior makes you feel and assert your right to be treated with respect.
- Know When to Seek Help: If gaslighting persists and affects your well-being or performance at work, consider seeking help from HR or a supervisor. They can intervene and provide support in resolving the situation.
Is gaslighting a form of bullying?
I believe that gaslighting can be considered a form of psychological bullying. While bullying typically involves repeated aggressive behavior intended to intimidate, degrade, or harm someone, gaslighting specifically focuses on manipulation and undermining a person’s sense of reality or self-confidence.
In both gaslighting and bullying, the perpetrator seeks to exert power and control over the victim. Gaslighting tactics often involve denying the victim’s experiences, feelings, or perceptions, which can lead to confusion, self-doubt, and emotional distress.
Like bullying, gaslighting can have serious consequences for the victim’s mental health, self-esteem, and overall well-being. It can erode trust in oneself and others, creating a toxic environment where the victim feels powerless and isolated.
Therefore, while gaslighting may not always involve overt aggression or physical harm like some forms of bullying, it shares similarities in its harmful impact on the victim’s psychological and emotional health. Either way you should protect yourself and your energy from toxic co-workers.
What are some phrases the gaslighter commonly uses?
Gaslighters often use manipulative phrases to undermine the victim’s reality and control the narrative of a situation. Here are some common phrases gaslighters may use:
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “That never happened.”
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “You’re imagining things.”
- “You’re being paranoid.”
- “You’re just being dramatic.”
- “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
- “I never said/did that.”
- “You’re remembering it wrong.”
- “You’re crazy/insane.”
- “You’re just being insecure.”
- “You’re being irrational.”
- “You’re just trying to cause problems.”
- “You’re too emotional.”
- “Nobody else agrees with you.”
- “You’re just trying to blame me.”
- “You’re the one with the problem.”
- “You’re always so negative.”
- “You’re just being difficult.”
- “You’re imagining things again.”
These phrases are intended to make the victim doubt themselves, question their perceptions, and ultimately feel like they are the ones at fault or going crazy. Recognising these manipulative tactics can help individuals protect themselves from gaslighting behavior.
What are some funny phrases to shutdown gaslighting?
Using humour to respond to gaslighting can be a creative and effective way to disarm the situation while still asserting boundaries. Here are ten funny phrases to shut down gaslighting:
- “You’re like a human fog machine—spreading confusion wherever you go.”
- “You’re like a GPS navigating through a maze of lies. Spoiler alert: I know the way out.”
- “You’re like a walking paradox, trying to convince me that up is down and left is right.”
- “You must have mistaken me for someone who believes your nonsense.”
- “Sorry, I left my rose-colored glasses at home. I prefer to see the world in HD, not gaslight vision.”
- “You’re like a crossword puzzle, but the clues don’t match the answers. It’s a real brain teaser.”
- “Are we rewriting history now? Because last time I checked, my memory wasn’t up for editing.”
- “Sorry, I don’t speak Gaslight. Can you translate that into Reality for me?”
- “You’re like a broken record, playing the same tune over and over again. Maybe it’s time for a new playlist?”
- “Is this gaslighting or a magic show? Because I’m not impressed by the disappearing facts act.”
Remember to use these responses with caution and consider the context of the situation. While humour can be a powerful tool, it’s essential to prioritize your emotional well-being and safety when dealing with gaslighting behaviour.
Personal experience of gaslighting
I remember feeling frustrated and confused by my co-worker’s behaviour. Despite my friendly greetings, she would consistently ignore me, pretending she hadn’t seen or heard me. I had always been taught to continue greeting a coworker even if they ignore you. It was disheartening to experience this blatant disregard, especially when I knew she was fully aware of my presence. My instincts were right; she wasn’t simply unaware but deliberately ignoring me. It could have even be that she was jealous which stemmed from her own incompetence and insecurities. She certainly displayed many signs of a jealous co-worker.
Fed up with her dismissive attitude, I decided to confront her directly. The next time I approached her, I made sure to greet her face-to-face, leaving no room for excuses.
Eventually, her pattern of disrespectful behaviour caught up with her, and she was let go for overstepping the boundaries too many times. Though challenging, standing up for myself against gaslighting ultimately led to a healthier work environment for everyone.
Summing Up
Gaslighting at work can be harmful and undermine your confidence and well-being. By recognizing gaslighting behaviour, setting boundaries, and responding assertively, you can protect yourself and maintain a healthy work environment. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. It is also the responsibility of every employer to ensure your workplace is safe and inclusive. I know that the happiness of my staff are a major part in what made my business successful.
