Sometimes, you may encounter a situation where a coworker treats you like a subordinate. It can be a frustrating experience, especially if you’re supposed to work as equals. When a coworker acts as if they’re in charge, it can lead to tension, reduced productivity, and even conflict. But by identifying the signs and using effective strategies, you can take control of the situation and protect your sense of professionalism.
What is a Subordinate?
A subordinate is someone who has a lower rank, position, or authority compared to someone else in an organization or group. In the workplace, a subordinate is an employee who reports to a manager or supervisor and takes direction from them. The term is often used to describe the hierarchical relationship where one person is responsible for overseeing another’s work or providing instructions.
In general, being a subordinate means having less power or authority in a specific context, and it implies that the person is expected to follow the directions of those in higher-ranking positions.
Signs of a Controlling Worker
The first step to addressing this situation is recognizing the signs of a controlling worker. These behaviours might seem subtle at first, but they can grow into more noticeable patterns over time.
Here are some common ways a controlling coworker might act:
- Assigning Tasks: One of the most obvious signs is if they frequently assign tasks to you. This can feel like they’re treating you as their assistant rather than their equal.
- Monitoring Your Work: If they constantly check in on your progress or ask for updates, it may signal that they are micromanaging you and feel the need to control your output.
- Correcting or Overriding Your Work: Some coworkers might “correct” your work, even when it wasn’t their responsibility to do so. This behaviour can make you feel undermined or belittled.
- Taking Credit for Your Ideas: Another sign of a controlling coworker is when they take credit for your contributions or ideas. This is an example of someone overstepping boundaries at work. This can damage your credibility and make you feel undervalued.
- Talking Down or Using a Condescending Tone: If a coworker talks to you as though you lack understanding or experience, it’s a clear sign they view you as a subordinate. The same applies if a coworker yells at you.
Recognizing these behaviours early can help you decide the best approach to address the issue and maintain your own authority and confidence in the workplace.
Why Some Coworkers Act Like They’re the Boss
There are various reasons why a coworker might act like your boss, even when they hold no supervisory role over you. Here are some common motivations behind such behaviour:
- Insecurity: Some coworkers feel insecure about their position or performance. Acting as if they’re in charge can give them a sense of control and importance. Coworkers who are insecure often look for scapegoats in the workplace.
- Desire for Advancement: A coworker may feel that taking on a “leadership role” will make them look more capable and increase their chances of promotion.
- Personality Traits: Certain personality types naturally gravitate toward controlling or dominant behaviours. They might not realize their actions are inappropriate.
- Lack of Awareness: Sometimes, coworkers aren’t aware that they’re crossing boundaries. They may genuinely believe they’re being helpful or efficient.
Understanding the motivation behind a coworker’s behaviour can guide you on how to approach the issue with empathy, while still setting clear boundaries.
How to Professionally Say “You Are Not My Boss”
If you’ve identified that a coworker is acting in a controlling manner, it’s important to communicate your feelings professionally. Here are some ways to let a coworker know they’re overstepping without causing unnecessary conflict:
- Be Direct But Polite: Use clear and polite language to express your boundaries. For example, you could say, “I appreciate your input, but I am handling this part of the project on my own.”
- Redirect the Conversation: If a coworker tries to assign you tasks or give you instructions, redirect the conversation by stating, “I’ll make sure to check with our manager on that.”
- Acknowledge Their Input, Then Set Boundaries: You might say, “Thanks for your suggestions. I’ll consider them, but I’m comfortable with my current approach.”
- Ask for Clarification: Sometimes, asking for clarification can subtly remind them of their position. For instance, ask, “Just to clarify, is this something our manager assigned to you to oversee?”
- Focus on Collaboration: Emphasize teamwork and collaboration. Saying, “Let’s work together on this as a team” can remind them that you’re equals and that they don’t have authority over you.
These strategies provide ways to assert your position without sounding confrontational or defensive.
When a Coworker Thinks They Are a Manager
When a coworker thinks they’re a manager, they may start to step into roles and responsibilities that aren’t theirs. This can create confusion and even disrupt team dynamics. If you’re dealing with someone who oversteps like this, here are some things to keep in mind:
- Stick to Formal Communication Channels: If they frequently attempt to assign work, make it a habit to consult with your actual manager for confirmation. By looping in your manager on important decisions, you subtly reinforce the fact that you follow the company’s structure.
- Document Their Behaviour: Keep a record of instances where they overstep boundaries. Documenting the situation can be useful if you need to involve HR or escalate the issue.
- Emphasize Company Roles: If the coworker tries to take on managerial duties, politely remind them of the team’s organizational structure. For example, say, “I think our manager might need to weigh in on this before we proceed.”
When approached professionally, these steps can help restore clarity in roles without straining workplace relationships.
Responding to Coworkers Who Undermine You
In some cases, a controlling coworker might go beyond assigning tasks and start to sabotage or undermine your work. This could involve openly criticizing you, questioning your decisions in front of others, or providing unsolicited advice on every project. Dealing with undermining behaviour can be challenging, but it’s important to handle it calmly and professionally:
- Maintain Confidence in Your Work: One way to handle undermining behaviour is to maintain confidence in your work. Show that you stand by your decisions and trust your judgment.
- Speak Up When Necessary: While you don’t want to be overly defensive, it’s important to speak up when a coworker’s comments or actions are inappropriate. You might say, “I appreciate feedback, but I would like to discuss constructive ways to improve rather than criticism.”
- Seek Support from Your Team: Building positive relationships with other team members can create a support network. This makes it harder for the controlling coworker to isolate or undermine you.
- Address the Issue Privately: If you feel comfortable, speak to the coworker privately about their behaviour. Explain how it makes you feel, and ask if there’s a reason they act in such a way. This can sometimes lead to an understanding or compromise.
By taking these steps, you can help reduce the negative impact of undermining behaviour on your work experience and foster a more respectful work environment.
When to Involve Management or HR
If a coworker’s behaviour continues to be problematic and begins affecting your work, it might be time to involve management or HR. Bringing up the issue with a manager should be a last resort after you’ve tried addressing it on your own. Here are some signs that it might be necessary to escalate the situation:
- Repeated Attempts to Control Your Work: If your coworker has not changed their behaviour despite your efforts, it’s time to seek help.
- Personal Attacks or Harassment: If the behaviour becomes personal or disrespectful, or if they start to ignore you in the workplace, this should be reported to HR.
- Negative Impact on Your Performance: If their actions are affecting your ability to perform well or meet deadlines, involve your manager. Explain the situation professionally and provide documentation if possible.
Involving management or HR can feel like a big step, but sometimes it’s the most effective way to restore a professional work environment.
Moving Forward: How to Set Boundaries and Stay Professional
After addressing the issue, focus on setting boundaries to avoid similar situations in the future. Here are some ways to keep your work environment professional and enjoyable:
- Establish Clear Boundaries Early: When starting new projects or roles, make it clear which tasks are yours and which aren’t. This sets expectations from the beginning.
- Communicate Assertively: Practicing assertive communication will help you express your needs and protect your boundaries.
- Focus on Positive Relationships: Cultivate positive relationships with other coworkers to strengthen your position within the team and reduce reliance on any one person’s approval.
- Take Pride in Your Work: Confidence in your abilities can deter others from undermining your authority.
Additional Considerations
1. The Importance of Setting Clear Expectations Early
Establishing expectations at the beginning of a working relationship or project can prevent misunderstandings. If both parties know who’s responsible for what, it can limit the chances of someone overstepping or assuming an informal leadership role. You could use statements that set these boundaries clearly and diplomatically, like, “I’ll handle the project tracking, so we stay aligned on our tasks.”
2. Staying Objective and Avoiding Emotional Reactions
When faced with a controlling coworker, it’s essential to maintain a level-headed approach. Reacting emotionally can sometimes escalate the situation. Stay calm and focus on the facts when discussing boundaries, and know when to step away and revisit the conversation if things get heated.
3. The Role of Emotional Intelligence
Addressing controlling behaviour often requires high emotional intelligence. This includes empathy (understanding where the other person is coming from) and assertiveness (clearly communicating your needs without aggression). Emotionally intelligent responses, like validating their ideas but reaffirming your own role and responsibilities is key here.
4. Documenting Incidents for Future Reference
Document instances when a coworker repeatedly treats you as a subordinate. Keeping a record of specific situations can be helpful if you need to escalate the issue to HR or management later on. Documenting with specific details (date, time, actions taken) shows professionalism and can support your case.
5. How to Build Allies in the Workplace
Building positive relationships with other coworkers can provide a sense of support and balance in the workplace. Allies can help reinforce a collaborative environment and may even subtly discourage a controlling coworker from asserting themselves over others.
6. Practicing Self-Care and Stress Management
Dealing with office politics and controlling coworkers can be stressful. Practicing self-care techniques like setting aside time for breaks, connecting with friends or mentors outside work, and focusing on personal achievements can help maintain resilience and protect mental well-being.
7. Using Humour to Diffuse Tension (When Appropriate)
In some cases, using light humour can reduce the tension and gently remind a coworker to ease up. This approach won’t work in every situation, but it can be effective if you have a good rapport with the coworker. A friendly, light-hearted comment, like “Looks like you’re ready to take over the company!” can sometimes serve as a subtle reminder without creating conflict.
Summing Up
By taking these steps, you can maintain a healthy and productive work environment that respects everyone’s roles and contributions. Handling a situation where a coworker treats you like a subordinate can be tricky, but by recognizing the signs and using a balanced approach, you can assert your position while staying professional.
