We’ve all been there. You think you have a good relationship with a coworker—maybe you even consider them a friend. You grab coffee together, share ideas, and help each other out. Then, one day, you find out they’ve been talking behind your back, taking credit for your work, or worse—actively sabotaging you.
It’s a terrible feeling. You feel betrayed, angry, and maybe even a little foolish for trusting them in the first place. But backstabbing in the workplace is, unfortunately, very common. So, what can you do about it? Let’s talk about how to recognize workplace backstabbers, why it occurs and how to protect yourself.
What is Backstabbing in the Workplace?
Backstabbing happens when someone pretends to be on your side but secretly undermines you. It’s sneaky, manipulative, and often done in a way that makes it hard to prove.
Why do people backstab?
People backstab for a variety of reasons, often driven by personal insecurities, ambitions, or toxic workplace dynamics. Here are some common reasons why people engage in backstabbing behaviour:
1. Insecurity and Low Self-Esteem
Some people feel threatened by others’ success or talents. Backstabbing allows them to tear others down to feel better about themselves or to elevate their own status. By undermining someone else, they might feel like they’re securing their position or gaining a sense of control.
2. Competition and Ambition
In highly competitive environments, some people resort to backstabbing as a way to get ahead. They may undermine coworkers or take credit for their work in hopes of securing promotions, raises, or recognition. Their primary goal is to win at any cost, even if it means betraying others.
3. Jealousy and Envy
Jealousy is a common driver of backstabbing. If someone feels that another person is getting more attention or recognition, they may resort to backstabbing to strip that person of their success. Signs a coworker is jealous include spreading rumors or undermining the person’s reputation to diminish their standing.
4. Manipulation for Personal Gain
Backstabbers often have a manipulative streak. They use others to get what they want, then discard them once they’ve gotten what they need. This can involve lying, malicious gossiping, or distorting the truth to make themselves look better in the eyes of others, such as a boss or influential colleague.
5. Toxic Workplace Culture
In some environments, backstabbing is encouraged or goes unnoticed by leadership. A toxic workplace can breed this behavior, where employees feel like they have to fight to survive, often at the expense of others. If there’s favoritism, lack of support, or a competitive atmosphere, backstabbing can become a way of life.
6. Power and Control
For some individuals, backstabbing is a means to exert power over others. By making others look bad, they position themselves as more competent or trustworthy. This is common in office politics, where people undermine others to move up the ladder or gain influence.
7. Miscommunication or Misunderstanding
Sometimes, backstabbing can stem from miscommunication or misunderstanding. One person might perceive a situation differently and feel wronged or slighted, leading them to act out of frustration. This can often happen when individuals fail to address conflicts directly, and instead, gossip or twist stories to vent their feelings.
8. Lack of Emotional Intelligence
Some people simply don’t know how to handle their emotions effectively. They may lash out at others when feeling threatened or frustrated, without understanding the long-term consequences of their actions. Their lack of empathy or emotional intelligence makes them less aware of how their behavior affects others.
9. Retaliation or Revenge
Backstabbing can sometimes be a form of revenge. If someone feels wronged or betrayed by a colleague, they might resort to backstabbing to get back at them. This could happen if there’s been a conflict or disagreement, and the person feels they need to “get even.”
While backstabbing is harmful and destructive, understanding the underlying motivations behind it can help you better navigate these situations. Whether it’s insecurity, ambition, or a toxic environment, backstabbers often act out of their own fears and desires. By recognizing these motives, you can protect yourself and defuse potential conflicts in the workplace.
Remember the golden rule: it’s about being smart, not right.
Common Signs of a Workplace Backstabber:
- They act friendly to your face but spread rumours behind your back.
- They agree with you in meetings, then tell the boss they disagreed all along.
- They “accidentally” forget to include you in important emails or meetings.
- They take credit for your work and make it seem like they did all the heavy lifting.
- They turn others against you, often subtly, so it doesn’t look obvious.
Example in Action: The Credit Thief
Sarah worked hard on a project for weeks. She spent late nights perfecting the report. The day of the big presentation, her coworker Mark volunteered to present it on her behalf. Sarah thought, Wow, how nice of him!
Except, when Mark stood up in front of the team, he spoke as if he had done all the work. He barely mentioned Sarah’s contributions. The boss was impressed and praised Mark for a job well done, while Sarah sat there, fuming.
A Situation You Might Recognize: The Blame Shifter
John worked in customer service, and one day, a major client’s order was delayed. His coworker Lisa was the one who forgot to process it, but when the boss asked what happened, Lisa blamed John.
Luckily, John had saved the email thread showing that he had sent the request to Lisa on time. When he calmly forwarded the emails to the manager, Lisa’s lie fell apart.
The Gossip Spreader
Emma was friendly with everyone in the office. She liked to chat, and she trusted her coworker Jake. One day, she mentioned that she was thinking of applying for a promotion.
The next week, she overheard Jake telling their boss that Emma was unhappy with her current job and “probably looking to leave.” Suddenly, she wasn’t being considered for the promotion.
Lesson learned? Not everyone is a friend.
How to Deal with Backstabbers at Work
1. Keep Your Cool (Even When You Want to Scream)
Your first instinct might be to call them out in front of everyone. Don’t. That’s what they want—an emotional reaction that makes you look bad. Instead, take a deep breath, stay professional, and strategize your next move.
2. Gather Evidence
Backstabbers thrive on lies and manipulation. If you’re going to expose them, you need proof.
- Save emails and messages that show contradictions or deception.
- Take notes on conversations—dates, times, and what was said.
- If they’re blaming you for something you didn’t do, document your work to show your contributions.
3. Address the Issue (Without Looking Confrontational)
Sometimes, a backstabber thinks they can get away with it because no one calls them out. A private conversation can sometimes stop their behaviour.
How to do it:
✅ Stay calm and don’t make it personal.
✅ Use “I” statements instead of accusations. Here’s an example of an “I” statement:
“I feel upset when I hear things that aren’t true being said about me because it affects my ability to work effectively and impacts team trust.”
This statement expresses your feelings and the impact the situation has on you, without attacking or accusing the other person.
✅ Give them a chance to explain themselves (even if you know they’re lying).
❌ Wrong approach: “You’re a liar, and I know you stole my idea!”
✅ Better approach: “Hey, I noticed you took credit for the project in the meeting. That really surprised me because I thought we were working on it together. Can we talk about this?”
This forces them to acknowledge what they did without creating an unnecessary workplace war.
4. Build a Support Network
Backstabbers often isolate their targets. Don’t let them. Build strong relationships with other coworkers so that when a backstabber tries to turn people against you, they won’t succeed.
- Be friendly and professional with others so they see your true character.
- Subtly correct false information if you hear rumors about yourself.
- Find allies who know your work ethic so the backstabber’s lies won’t stick.
5. Protect Your Work (And Your Reputation)
- Keep emails professional and CC your manager if necessary.
- Avoid sharing too much personal information—backstabbers use it against you.
- When working on a project, document your contributions so no one can steal credit.
6. Keep Your Boundaries
Backstabbers often try to manipulate situations or overstep boundaries. You may notice they take credit for your work or gossip about you behind your back. Stay firm with your personal boundaries and don’t allow them to invade your space. If someone lies about you to your boss, or is acting in a gaslighting manner, address the issue directly or escalate it to HR if needed.
7. Talk to Your Boss
If the backstabbing is affecting your career, it might be time to talk to your manager.
How to do it:
✅ Stay professional—don’t make it personal.
✅ Be specific—explain exactly what’s happening.
✅ Show proof—emails, documentation, or examples.
Example: “I wanted to bring something to your attention. On three separate occasions, Mark has presented my work as his own. I have the original emails where I shared my ideas. I would appreciate any advice on how to handle this.”
This shows your boss that you’re not just complaining—you’re bringing a real issue to light.
8. If Nothing Changes, Consider Moving On
Sometimes, workplace culture enables backstabbers. If management ignores the problem, it might not be worth your energy to stay.
🚩 Red flags that it’s time to leave:
⚠️The toxic behaviour is widespread (it’s not just one person).
⚠️Management doesn’t care or even encourages it.
⚠️It’s affecting your mental health or career growth.
Your job shouldn’t make you miserable. If the environment is full of backstabbers, there are better workplaces out there.
Final Thoughts
Backstabbers exist in every workplace. But by staying professional, documenting your work, and building strong relationships, you can outsmart them.
✅ Stay calm and strategic.
✅ Keep evidence of their actions.
✅ Build allies and protect your work.
✅ Know when to speak up—and when to walk away.
