Patronizing behaviour is a subtle but damaging issue in the workplace. It can affect morale, productivity, and workplace relationships. Let’s unpack everything about this issue and look at what patronising means, explore examples of patronising behaviour in the workplace, and provides strategies to deal with it effectively. First and foremost, let’s get the term patronise out of the way as it can mean two things.
What Does Patronise Mean?
The term patronise (or patronize, in American English) has two primary meanings, depending on the context:
1. To Act Superior or Condescending
This is the more negative and widely recognized meaning of the term. To patronise someone means to treat them in a way that shows you think you’re superior or more knowledgeable, often while pretending to be helpful or kind. The tone can feel demeaning or belittling.
2. To Support or Frequent a Business
This is the more neutral meaning of the term. To patronise can mean to give financial support to someone, such as a business, organization, or artist, or to regularly visit a shop, restaurant, or service provider.
In this article we will be talking about the negative and more widely recognized term. Let’s get to it.
What Does Patronising Mean?
To define patronising, it refers to behaviour where someone treats others as though they are less capable or less intelligent. This attitude often comes across as condescending or belittling. To patronise is not just about being rude but is often disguised as fake kindness or help. A classic patronising example is when a senior employee speaks to a colleague in a slow, exaggerated tone as if explaining something to a child. 🙄
So, what does it mean to be patronizing? It means behaving in a way that suggests superiority, often making the other person feel small or undervalued. Patronising vs condescending behaviour often overlaps, but condescension is more direct and intentionally insulting, while patronisation can be veiled in politeness.
What’s Another Word for Patronising?
Here are several synonyms for patronising that you can use depending on the context:
Condescending
Belittling
Disparaging
Supercilious
Haughty
Arrogant
Overbearing
Demeaning
Each word carries slightly different nuances, so the best choice depends on how the behaviour manifests. For instance:
Condescending emphasizes an overt display of superiority.
Demeaning highlights actions or words that lower someone’s dignity.
Supercilious conveys a sense of smugness or disdain.
Examples of Patronizing Behaviour in the Workplace
Understanding examples of patronising comments can help identify this behaviour. Common patronizing examples include:
Overpraising basic tasks: Telling a colleague, “Wow, you managed to finish that report? Good for you!” in a tone that implies surprise at their capability.
Offering unnecessary assistance: Insisting on helping someone with a task they’re perfectly capable of handling, saying, “Let me take care of that—you probably find it too challenging.”
Using exaggerated simplification: Explaining something in an overly simplistic manner, like, “This is how you copy and paste, in case you didn’t know.”
Assuming incompetence: Asking a colleague if they’re sure they can handle a task, such as, “Are you comfortable managing this, or should I find someone else?”
Disguising criticism as concern: Saying, “I’m just worried you might not fully understand this project—it’s quite complex.”
Fake encouragement: Phrases like, “You’re surprisingly good at this for someone with your experience level.”
Using informal expressions meaning patronising: Phrases like “Let me dumb it down for you” can come across as degrading.
Excessive explanation: Explaining simple tasks unnecessarily, especially when the person already knows how to do them.
What is The Psychology Behind Patronising Behaviour?
What does patronising mean on a psychological level? It often stems from a need for power or control. A person exhibiting patronising behaviour may feel insecure or overconfident, leading them to project superiority. However, this behaviour can manifest in various ways beyond simple condescension.
For instance, someone with deep-seated insecurities may sabotage others to protect their position or feel a sense of power.
They might overstep boundaries by micromanaging or dismissing others’ input. In more extreme cases, they may yell at coworkers publicly to assert dominance, tell lies to their boss to shift blame, or look for scapegoats when something goes wrong.
This behavior can extend to gaslighting—manipulating others to question their perception of reality—or treating coworkers like subordinates, even when they’re equals.
Additionally, such individuals may overstep their authority, bypass proper channels, or actively engage in office politics to undermine others and elevate their standing. These patterns of behavior contribute to a toxic work environment, often leaving coworkers feeling belittled, unsupported, and mistrustful.
Understanding the psychological roots of patronising behaviour is key to addressing and mitigating its impact in the workplace.
Signs Someone Is Undermining You at Work
Beyond overt behaviours, undermining behaviour can also be a form of patronization. To define undermining, it is when someone subtly sabotages your work or reputation.
Here are some examples of undermining behaviour:
- Ignoring your contributions in meetings.
- Taking credit for your ideas or discrediting your work in front of others.
- Constantly second-guessing or questioning your decisions.
- Making snide remarks or comments about your abilities.
If you feel patronised or a coworker is belittling you regularly, it is crucial to address it promptly.
What Is the Meaning of a Snide Remark?
A snide remark is a sarcastic or cutting comment that is meant to criticize or insult someone indirectly. It often has an undertone of mockery or disdain, and while it might appear subtle or casual on the surface, the intent is typically negative or belittling.
Examples of Snide Remarks
- “Oh, you finally got it right this time—progress!”
- “Must be nice to have so much free time to work on this.”
- “Wow, that’s an… interesting choice.”
- “It’s impressive how you manage to get by with so little effort.”
Such comments are designed to sound innocent or humorous on the surface but carry a deeper sting. Recognizing and addressing snide remarks is important to maintain healthy communication in relationships or workplaces.
How to Deal with Patronizing Behaviour in the Workplace
Dealing with patronizing colleagues or supervisors can be challenging. Here are practical steps:
1. Recognize the Behaviour
Understanding patronising definition helps you distinguish between genuine support and demeaning behaviour. If the tone, words, or actions make you feel small, it’s likely patronizing.
2. Respond Assertively
Responding to patronizing comments requires composure. Use neutral but firm language, such as, “I appreciate your input, but I’ve got it covered.”
3. Address It Privately
If the behaviour persists, have a one-on-one conversation with the person. Politely explain how their actions make you feel without accusing them.
4. Document Incidents
Keep a record of instances of patronisation or undermining behaviour. This can be helpful if you need to escalate the matter to HR.
5. Seek Support
If direct confrontation doesn’t work, involve a supervisor or human resources. They can mediate and help resolve the situation.
How to Stop Patronizing Behaviour in the Workplace
Stopping patronising behaviour begins with self-awareness. If you’ve been told your actions come across as patronising, consider these tips:
- Avoid making assumptions about others’ abilities.
- Use language that is respectful and collaborative.
- Pay attention to your tone of voice to ensure it doesn’t sound superior or dismissive.
What is Demeaning Behaviour in the Workplace?
Demeaning actions often go hand in hand with patronization. To define underhanded behaviour, it includes subtle acts intended to hurt or belittle someone, such as spreading gossip, making snide remarks, or excluding someone from team activities. It can also manifest verbally as a backhanded compliment, which disguises an insult as praise, or a backhanded apology, which shifts blame or adds an insult while pretending to express regret.
To combat such behaviour, it’s essential to create an inclusive and respectful workplace culture. Encourage open communication and call out negative behaviours directly to maintain a healthy and professional environment.
Condescending vs Patronising
It’s important to differentiate between these terms.
What is Condescending?
To define condescending, it means showing an overt attitude of superiority, often through words or gestures. For example, someone saying, “You wouldn’t understand, it’s too complex for you,” is being condescending.
What is Patronizing?
Patronising behaviour might sound helpful but carries the same demeaning undertone, such as, “Don’t worry, I’ll explain it slowly for you.”
How to Respond to Patronizing Comments
1. Call It Out Directly but Politely
If someone makes a patronizing remark, addressing it calmly can stop the behaviour.
Comment: “Let me explain it in a way you’ll understand.”
Response: “I’d appreciate it if you explained it as you would to anyone else. I can follow.”
2. Ask for Clarification
By requesting the person to explain their comment, you put the responsibility back on them, often making them aware of their tone.
Comment: “Wow, you’re actually pretty good at this!”
Response: “What do you mean by ‘actually’? Could you clarify?”
3. Reframe the Conversation
Shift focus to the work or task at hand rather than engaging with the patronizing tone.
Comment: “This might be too complex for you to handle on your own.”
Response: “Thanks for your input. I’ve already started working on it and will let you know if I need help.”
4. Use humour to Defuse Tension
A light-hearted response can point out the condescension while keeping the conversation friendly.
Comment: “It’s so cute how you’re trying to figure this out.”
Response: “Thanks, I try my best to stay adorable while solving complex problems!”
5. Be Assertive Without Being Aggressive
Sometimes, a straightforward comment is the best approach. However be mindful of your tone. There is a difference between assertiveness and agressiveness.
Comment: “I didn’t expect you to get this right so quickly.”
Response: “I’m confident in my skills, so I wasn’t surprised.”
6. Reflect Their Tone
By mirroring the condescending tone slightly, you highlight their behaviour without being rude.
Comment: “Oh, it’s okay; we all have our limitations.”
Response: “True, and I’ve noticed you manage yours well.”
7. Set Boundaries
If the behaviour persists, clearly state your discomfort.
Comment: “Let me just handle this for you—it’s probably too much.”
Response: “I appreciate your concern, but I prefer to handle it myself. Please respect that.”
8. Redirect to the Bigger Picture
Focus on collaboration or problem-solving to steer the conversation in a productive direction.
Comment: “I’ll explain it one more time, so you don’t miss anything.”
Response: “Let’s focus on getting the task done. If I have questions, I’ll ask.”
9. Use a Question to Challenge the Comment
By asking a thoughtful question, you can encourage the other person to reflect.
Comment: “You’re surprisingly competent for someone in your position.”
Response: “What makes you think someone in my position wouldn’t be competent?”
These strategies can help maintain professionalism while addressing patronizing behaviour effectively. The goal is to stand up for yourself while encouraging more respectful communication.
Using Humour to Respond to Patronizing Comments
1. Add a Touch of Sarcasm
Comment: “Don’t worry, we all learn at our own pace.”
Response: “Oh, thank you, wise one. Your patience with us mere mortals is inspiring!”
2. Playfully Over-Accept Their Help
Comment: “Let me handle this—it’s probably a bit much for you.”
Response: “You’re right! I was just about to call for a superhero like you.”
3. Turn It into a Compliment for Them
Comment: “I didn’t think you’d understand that so quickly.”
Response: “Well, with a teacher as amazing as you, how could I not?”
4. Pretend to Be Grateful for Their Wisdom
Comment: “Here’s an easy way for you to get this done.”
Response: “Wow, I had no idea I was so helpless. Where would I be without you?”
5. Emphasize Their Assumed Expertise
Comment: “This is how it’s done, in case you didn’t know.”
Response: “You must be the workplace’s very own Wikipedia. I’m impressed!”
6. Exaggerate Their Effort to Help
Comment: “Let me explain it one more time for you.”
Response: “Oh no, don’t wear yourself out with all that explaining—I’ll try to keep up!”
7. Highlight the Absurdity of Their Concern
Comment: “Are you sure you can handle this on your own?”
Response: “You’re right; it’s so daunting. Maybe I’ll need a cheering squad, too!”
8. Take Their Comment Literally
Comment: “This might be too complicated for you.”
Response: “You’re right—it’s almost as complicated as your sense of humour!”
9. Subtly Mock Their Tone
Comment: “Oh, good for you—you managed to finish that?”
Response: “Yep, and next, I’m aiming for world peace. Baby steps!”
10. Turn Their Words Back on Them
Comment: “Wow, you actually did it!”
Response: “Yep, just like you taught me with your endless wisdom.”
These responses use humour to deflect the patronizing tone while subtly reminding the speaker that their comments are unnecessary. They’re effective in maintaining your composure and keeping the situation light without letting the behaviour go unchecked.
Summing Up
Understanding what is patronising and its impact in the workplace is crucial for maintaining a positive and respectful environment. Whether it’s dealing with snide remarks or recognizing the meaning of patronising, addressing these behaviours head-on can prevent long-term issues. Use the tips in this article to foster a workplace where everyone feels valued and respected.
By tackling patronizing behaviour effectively, you can build stronger relationships and create a more inclusive and productive work environment. Always remember, no one deserves to feel patronised or undervalued.
